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About the Video

Disclosure, while frightening, can leave a man feeling relieved. The burden he has carried, possibly for most of his life, has been lifted. His secret is out. He may feel that he is finally taking responsibility for his sin. He knows something new is happening in his life, and it can be exciting.

His spouse, on the other hand, usually feels the exact opposite. This is especially true the longer they were married before disclosure happened. To the spouse, she is just learning that her husband has been lying to her, or hiding things from her at best, in most cases throughout their entire marriage. She just learned that the man she thought she married never existed. She had risked all in opening herself up to marry him, only to find out he had betrayed her, possibly for years. She does not know if she can ever risk trusting him again. She may feel that, in fact, she doesn’t even know him.

Be prepared to feel a disconnect with the encouragement you feel and the discouragement she feels. It is unfair of you to expect her to understand why you feel hope at this point. She will need months to get to a place where she can dare to feel much hope. While this will be very painful for both of you, it is necessary if you want to rebuild trust in your marriage.

More on Disclosure

PDFArticle by Melissa Hass on Dealing with Disclosure
Tips and things to consider when a spouse discloses past behavior.
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