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The Upside of Goodbye


Melissa Williams
Co-Director, Hidden Hurt
A Healing Ministry for Spouses


An exercise we encourage Hidden Heart participants to do is to write a goodbye letter. It is important to let go of the image we had of the "perfect" marriage or man, and begin to face the reality of our situation. This is usually a difficult and painful task. But one woman, a little further down the road, has a different perspective...

I happily wave goodbye to the man I married, climb on the horse with my "new" knight and embrace this new adventure. It is full of danger and attack but we have faith, hope, love and - now - weapons for the battle.

I don't want the man I thought I married. Though kind and gentle, he was also weak and sort of absent. As my husband grows into a biblical man and spiritual leader, I admit I am scared and frequently annoyed at my loss of power and control. But I also feel growing relief and secret pleasure at being loved, cared for, and lead. In the last couple of years my husband has grown into a man of strength. While it has caused friction in our marriage, it is good and mostly healthy as he learns to have opinions, to express them well, and to act. But his battle for healthy sexuality has been at a whole new level. It has inspired me. I have never seen such discipline and stick-to-itiveness in him. He is determined to submit to God and overcome. And he has experienced a great deal of freedom - two years of purity.

And there is an upward spiral: energy freed up from unwholesome things does not dissipate. My husband has diverted it to grow stronger and more involved in life: more help and projects around the home; passion for his work and ministry; investment in his spiritual growth and physical body. He is being rebuilt à la Hebrews 12:1, "...let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us" and Philippians 3:14, "I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward." It makes my heart beat fast.

There will still be dark places on the path in front of us. We are still wounded, not fully healed.

But we have hope, courage and some experience. I believe we will ride on together, and we will reach the Golden City one day.

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