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Have you ever wondered if your husband has a girlfriend?

I did. I even asked my husband - somewhat jokingly - if he had a girlfriend where he traveled for work. He was horrified and said absolutely "No". So, I believed him.

Deep down though, I had a feeling something was not right. However, I put on a happy face and forged ahead in our marriage - raising our 2 young children. I was scared, what if it was true - how would I raise the kids? What would other people think?

I was relieved to discover it was not a girlfriend, but "just" a pornography addiction. When I caught him on the internet - I felt betrayed, angry, alone, and quite simply stunned. I prayed a lot. My husband told me he loved me, it wasn't anything to do with me - all him. He asked me to not tell anyone, that we could work through this together. He said people could not find out - it might affect his job.

Wanting to be respectful - I kept quiet. But this only made me feel even more alone; I wanted and needed to talk to others, but I was scared and embarrassed. About 6 months later I caught him on the internet again - this time I was furious. How could he lie to me AGAIN. I felt so betrayed and unloved. I knew I had to get help, even if he did not want help or want others to know. That week I made the scary phone call no one wants to make, I called Hidden Hurt.

I will never forget how much it hurt to talk to someone about the pain I had been experiencing, however I was amazed at the tremendous burden which had been lifted. It was not a secret anymore. I was getting help. HH taught me how to get healthy - to control what I can control - myself, my boundaries and my reactions. It is scary, but if you are feeling ashamed, alone, angry, scared...make the call - God wants you to be happy, to feel loved, and most of all - to make the best of your situation. Hidden Hurt will walk this journey with you.
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