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How can I ever trust my husband again, let alone be intimate with him?

I discovered my husband's pornography addiction and was horrified. I thought we had a great marriage. Sure we had our disagreements, but we enjoyed each other - we talked - we laughed - we had 2 kids.

Dealing with his porn addiction was difficult. I felt fat, not pretty and inadequate. How could I ever let him see me naked? He's probably comparing me to "them". Does he even love me?

I called Hidden Hurt and felt safe and understood. I was able to share my feelings with other women who knew exactly how I felt. I felt so relieved to have other women to pray with me.

And then the bomb hit. My husband had not told me "everything". Not only did he have a porn addiction, but 2 years earlier he had an affair. Talk about my world crashing down. I was shocked - hurt - furious - disappointed - felt abandoned; how could he betray our marriage vows "physically" not just visually.

Words cannot begin to express how grateful I was to be in a group when my husband fully disclosed his story. HH provided the encouragement and support I needed when I felt hopeless and scared.

This was a journey I did not think I would ever have to endure.

My husband is in a For Men Only group - and together we are both working towards trust, love and honesty. It sounds weird, but I'm actually glad this has happened to us. Because of his addiction, we are now open and honest with each other. There are no secrets. I'm learning to trust him again. We are learning how to love each other even more. We are learning how to look to God for strength and guidance. Do I wish we could have all this trust and honesty without sexual addiction...absolutely! But, A Hidden Hurt has provided a safe place for me to learn, grow, cry, laugh and most of all - have hope for my future.
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